the day i wish i had died before.
Died a little more today.
I'm sorry i bled on your squeaky clean image.
I'm sorry i held a mirror up to your face and scared you so much by what you saw.
I'm sorry i woke up today.
I'm sorry for every single breath i drew today.
I'm sorry i broke my promise.
I'm sorry i ever made that promise in the first place.
I'm sorry for so much an apology doesn't even matter any more.
I have so much more to say but i find strength waning. Even remorse is absent now because i know this was always hiding in the shadows of our pretending to be be above perejudice and judgment in the balmy deceptive arms of love.
I guess now we'll find it a little easier to trully smile or trully cry.
Confirmation is a bitch.
Its so much better to live in doubt and pointless hope.
And even they lay buried now under too much venom borne of post humous jealousies and clarity found too late. Its the pointlessness of what we chose to say... the futility of our opinions...
you are what you are... and i've loved you despite. You said what you said and i've loved you in spite.
Now i love you free from all abstractions. Free of any illusions. The purest, truest sense of it that came too late to be worthy of bendiction.
I ripped out your heart and stomped on it till it wouldn't bleed anymore, you took mine and chewed on it till it looked like spat-out gum.
And now we sit a million miles apart, with blood on my feet and viens in your teeth and what is it for?
What the fuck is it for?
For the first time in my life.... and the last;
I hate you... I love you.
I'm sorry i bled on your squeaky clean image.
I'm sorry i held a mirror up to your face and scared you so much by what you saw.
I'm sorry i woke up today.
I'm sorry for every single breath i drew today.
I'm sorry i broke my promise.
I'm sorry i ever made that promise in the first place.
I'm sorry for so much an apology doesn't even matter any more.
I have so much more to say but i find strength waning. Even remorse is absent now because i know this was always hiding in the shadows of our pretending to be be above perejudice and judgment in the balmy deceptive arms of love.
I guess now we'll find it a little easier to trully smile or trully cry.
Confirmation is a bitch.
Its so much better to live in doubt and pointless hope.
And even they lay buried now under too much venom borne of post humous jealousies and clarity found too late. Its the pointlessness of what we chose to say... the futility of our opinions...
you are what you are... and i've loved you despite. You said what you said and i've loved you in spite.
Now i love you free from all abstractions. Free of any illusions. The purest, truest sense of it that came too late to be worthy of bendiction.
I ripped out your heart and stomped on it till it wouldn't bleed anymore, you took mine and chewed on it till it looked like spat-out gum.
And now we sit a million miles apart, with blood on my feet and viens in your teeth and what is it for?
What the fuck is it for?
For the first time in my life.... and the last;
I hate you... I love you.
Comments
There is nothing to say...
Take Care Sajjad.
Dual feelings are such a bitch. A lot more real though than pure love or hate.. life is too complex maybe for something so pure.
Well emoted lines. I hear you all too well.
Sonia
i think you graduated to a new phase there
is it progress? regression?
waiting for the next post to find out :)
love that line ....so often ..so0o fucking true ...
Expressome: There weren't tears. Not in the eyes anyway. They don't make it past the hole in the heart anymore. Thankyou for making me feel understood. I owe you one.
DP: Its more like one following the other. Which is worse i guess, when you can hate the person you love in one breath, and inhale the next and find love back there again. Its the futility of having felt the hate, even for t he passing moment that shreds you to thin strips of once cherished love letters.
NF: Me too. can't really tell what the hell happened, but wasn't expecting this. NOt now. Not again. Not so much that i cudn't stifle it this time.
Aisha: Thankyou :)
Ozzy: I'm glad you laughed, i did too. Mine however was mirthless. As for the part you quoted, sounds nice perhaps but living it will kill ya.
Sam: doubts are easier to swallow sometimes... i know you can relate, which has earned you a hug.