Anniversary

Did u sleep well last night? Did u wonder,.... did u dream? Did you remember <>to forget this anniversary of all that could've been... of memories buried, in halls and walls, fireplaces and parking spaces... strewn across continents like shunned children of a million races.

Did u cry? Did u think to shed a tear? Did u choose to smile instead, everytime you couldn't bear? Did u keep the pain trapped inside this shell of pretentious satisfaction with what life has thrown your way... or did u let out a gasp. let the heavens know how much it hurts to have no more, the one thing, the only damn thing u've wanted to have forever.

Did u even want that though? Was your truth just a lie? Concocted for the pacification of a need that you couldn't understand, couldn't satisfy? You became what you chose, then and now and every then from now on this is what you choose to be, inconsistent, beyond reproach in your methods you have to know, lives a cruelty that can kill, if not a man than whatever that is within a man, turn him to stone, to sand to death to everything and nothing with the flutter of your eyes, with the swish of your hair, with a getsure of your hand, with a whisper form your lips... you turn and with you turns the tide of a life that had no vision beyond you and no memory before.

All this and more, so much more than just all this, i suffer and i dwell on... on this anniversary of the dream that never should have been. All sense and resolve set asunder, along with eveyrthing else that i should do but can't, for just this day i allow myself the misery of recognizing the loss that although nothing new, is ultimatley profound, is ultimately the only possible conclusion that could've been. You choose your every move, who you trust, who you fear, who you miss, who you forget, who you never look in the eyes, who you never turn away from... who you love... who you will never love again.

My love... the love i choose to suffer, the one i choose to bear for now and thru the ages, the one i have yearned for and dreamt of, the one that binds my heart to the myopic perception of divinity and eternity is not a choice at all. Its not a calculated move, nor a contrived plan, it lacks logic, it defies reality and that is perhaps why it tends to linger on.

It shall stop, i'm sure. Soon enough you and i will be nothing more than a whistful smile, a hollow sigh that no one else will ever understand. Heck a tear may even find its way through, a tear we shall try our hardest to conceal, its easier to hide than to explain. But nothing more than that will come from this excercise in human interaction from whence we learnt the grand futility of it all, the lack of magnitude associated with great personal passion in the grand scheme of things. Fact is, love as glorified in great tales of yore has no place in reality, you're not that pure, i'm not that pure, the world that we live in is impurest of all. There is no pride, there is no shame...no regrets no triumph, just the knowledge of having been there done that... whistful smiles and hollow sighs...

I'm not Able, I'm just Cain
Open Up the Heavens
Make it Rain