... or this... spit drenched flames pt2???

Sometimes I wonder,

Why we stand in the rain

Or Smile thru the pain

Telling each other

This is meant to be…

Sometime I wonder why you’re so far away

Can’t even beg you to stay

You don’t come by my place

Anymore

Anyway.

Its broken chords of a brand new song

Where we belong

Together

Forever

In the remains of a burnt down dream

Ashes and screams

Smiles and tears

Hopes and fears

Sometimes I wonder

Why I still wait

For you to say

That u still care

You give a damn

When I know so well,

there isn’t a plan

In which we can

Hold hands

Into the future

And

Sometimes it all stops!

To make sense

To make amends

Like trying to save

A moth from its fate,

Its fiery grave

Sometimes it’s like erasing a face

From an empty space

Left behind

By a stitch in time

A story told in mime

Broken chords of a brand new song

Where we belong

Together

Forever

In The remains of a burnt down dream

Ashes and screams

Smiles and tears

Hopes and fears

Sometimes I wonder, if you dream

Like I do

Of you and me

Like it used to be

Standing in the rain

Smiling thru the pain

Telling each other

I love you

Sometimes I wonder…

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes I don’t know why

I still miss you

Your clothes are scattered, on someone else’s face,

Your love lies battered

In a shallow grave…

My hands are cold now

Look how I yawn

Who’s going to come now

And tell me I’m wrong

I dun wanna wonder

And I dun wanna wait

I just want you to know this,

It wasn’t fate…

No it wasn’t fate.

It’s broken chords

Of a brand new song

Where we belonged

Where we belonged

Together, so, happy

Forever, so, proud

But now all it feels like

Is a candle burning out

Just like a candle…

Burning out.



i do believe i shud quit trying my hand at poetry. Sigh :(
Wy must i suck so bad??

Comments

Chants said…
naah, u don't 'suck'

(there R nicer words for free verse this poignant...)
Phitaymaun said…
chants: okay, like what?


Lady: Only when i write sweet heart.... onlt when i write... u know that.
discopapaya said…
wheres my dedication?!/1

greetings from britainland
Phitaymaun said…
dp: if i dedicate ne of this to you, ppl will start thinking that yur teh notorious e-x... dun want that do you?
Chants said…
Oh you know plenty... you just wanna read more compliments.

You know in your heart why it can never suck... because you felt every word... and each one is true
meshwork said…
ru mad.??..u sooo definitely dont suck ...its great!for the 100th time ..get it all in in a book ....lol...u'd make us pakistanis proud !
Phitaymaun said…
Chants: Find don't humor me, see if i care
Hmph
Wheni feel every word i don't even care if it sucks, i didn't here... not every word anyway some were just used for rhyming purposes. But thnx for that it dun suck :D

TDH: Br tag??? Dunno what yur reffering to, but seriously if you think this is redeemable by all means, remove it i'll be flattered.
Poetic prose indeed, Bf certainly does have an effect on you huh ;)

Mehwish: Lady, you're the best thing for my ego since being hit on by the drop dead gorgeous bar tender in a houston snooker club.
God bless you in every way and form of the word. Rest assured if i do get myself published you will find your name in the 'dedictaed to' section of the book :D
very nice. i love the last few lines. : )
expressome said…
This has to be one of the most well written pieces I have read in the recent past. And its not well written because of the way the words just seem to fit in together like a ouzzle and form a picture, so vivid, so present, that the mind forms an image every second a word is processed while the heart continues to race, and all of a sudden when i finish reading I am jolted back to reality, which I had lost touch with for some seconds. No, when I say its well written I dont mean it for any of the reasons mentioned above. It is well-written because of the lucidity of language, because it does not pretend to be something so oh-so-deep-and-intellectually-appealing-tryingtomakeeverydamnwordrhyme-good, but just because its simple, there are no pretenses, no false im-so-deep statements embedded in the words used.
Its just pure,simple,raw feelings.
And it has some sort of honesty about it, something so basic and simple it appeals to the primary process of thinking, not the higher ones at first. It is also different from the way you write prose, it feels more like you are talking or making the other experience what you want to narrate rather than weave a narrative around a very simple and basic fact.
And ya, I cant seem to figure it out, I guess youre right when you say we live in each others head.
Apt and Relatable, to quite an extent...hmmm....
And oh yah! permanent state of existence?! Hell NO!!!
was just out of town and oh...just read my post
Phitaymaun said…
I've said it before, and i will say it again. You get me.
When i'm trying too hard and when i'm not trying at all... When i want to make myself weap and when iw ant to make everyone else cry... you just get it.
Maybe because, we find ourselves in similiar emotional straits these days, or maybe our mental architecture was drawn from the same blue print... i dunno, what it is. Or why, you end up hearing exactly what i'm saying instead of the colors its coated in.

I'm a whole new kind of flattered all of a sudden.
just muttering said…
im sorry was that a fishing for comments comment you left on my blog?!?! heheh well here you go ...i lurved this ...would love to hear the melody that goes along w/ it ...
Rude Awakenings said…
Those are some heart ripping lyrics I've read in a long time.
Anything one writes from the heart can't suck, don't insult your feelings and emotions.
Besides, the post was brilliant, touching and most importantly truthful.

Sonia
expressome said…
It is actually scary , not just in terms of speech, but in actuality 'scary',
"..you end up hearing exactly what i'm saying instead of the colors its coated in"
mutually felt.
hmmm...."mental acrchitecture was drawn from the same bule print", interesting and worth-giving-some thought-to type of statement.
could be.

Popular Posts