Just so that i don't.

There’s nothing to say, and there’s way too much.
It hurts like hell when it shouldn’t, as such.
But I guess I still feel a bit…Driven under.
I guess I still need to find out. From your mouth that the lies have all come true.
That the a-cappella version of your swan song was the unedited one.
That’s all that remains now, though, that’s all we’re worth. The somewhat quirky curiosity of a flawed man who doesn’t want to believe what he wouldn’t want to remember. What he couldn’t accept or forgive or live with or give into or give up. Which makes for a sad day really. Sadder even than the day you dropped your blue topaz heart. Only, the pain is much reduced and this time it’s raining. The sun hasn’t set yet and there’s no leftover hope of the future we prayed for together.
It’s almost like showing up for a wedding after the divorce but it is what it is and I’m here now. I’m here and I know that I can’t let you go because I can’t let you free, and yet, I must; precisely because I didn’t You’re surrendered because you surrendered. I gave up because you gave in and now that the debris has settled it’s easy to see which lie hurt more than the others and which one cut deeper. And that the one that broke the camel’s back, the one that sliced right through bone is the one I told.
It could be misplaced guilt, or plausible fury. Regret or jealousy. I can’t really tell but I do have one reason for calling. But a thousand against. And this time, unlike all the others, I won’t.
Because for every question I could ask I already know the answer and for everything you'd say I already have a reason. Because, I know I may wonder forever but I will no longer wait and that every possibility is vested in fate.
Because, there’s nothing to say, and there’s way too much.