Ain?

So do you know Samosa?
No she isn't linked from my blog, which is due to gross incompetence on my part. That shall be fixed soon. Samosa is a delicious deep fried product of the sub continent, its usually stuffed with potatoes of minced meat but the one i'm talking about is stuffed with great gobs of intelligence and grace and a shit load of other stuff that most of us can only admire since we aren't liked enough by god to be blesses with them attributes. Like class, and sensitivity etc. Okay i sound like i'm 13 yrs old with a crush on the english teacher, but no... see too old for crushes so its just me recognizing the presence of aspects usually found missing in most people.
Okay so this actually isn't about Samosa, its more about her blog. Infact a post on her blog and the minor discussion that developed in the comments section. In this discussion i offer my opinion which in a nut shell states that it is so much better to connect with a potential spouse on a personal, one on one level well before marrying them. All of those who know me here know that if i MEANT to say sex i would've said sex, when i say one on one or whatever i mean it strictly in a non-fucking sense.
Now this view, happend to contradict a gentleman who visits Samosa's blog and goes by the name of Abu Sinan. Now from what ive gathered about this dude is that he's a recent convert to Islam. I think someone who has the guts to bring such a huge change in his life, deserves admiration. But i feel he's taking scripture a bit too literally. Khair that is besides the point and i know he's going to rake me over hot caols for that statement but i take a very kind view of Islam and Allah, i believe when Allah says he loves us more than our parents and therefore i think we should do likewise and this for me at least, fearing someone i love just seems a bit absurd. Any how, that's a much more explosive discussion, what this post is about is Abu Sinan's claim that the bestest way is the way of our culture, he incidentally got hitched online which i have nothing against except to say that its a bit too platonic for my taste. But Kudos to him and all the other folk that i know of who have taken similat leaps of faith.
I however think that be it an online courtship or an arranged hook up, the thing missing is any knowledge of things that only become evident after sharing your life with someone, you everyday routine. Things like how one does teh budgeting for the house, or what kind of shower curtains they like. Things that you discover only when you are stuck in a certain dynamic with someone... through emails or phone convos or chatting, sure you can tell a lot of truths but you can also keep a lot of them hidden. I don't mean to suggest that we should all spend an year alone in an apartment off the coast of tuscany with our prospective spouses, freinds learn everything there is to know about each other just by hanging out together, couples do this just by going out for long drives, devoid of make out sessions even, by having dinner in secluded spots, by splitting the bill, or by footing the bill. By being with thier old freinds, seeing how they react to each other. All i'm saying is that its important to know what the hell you're getting into before getting knew deep into it without an out remaining.
Abu Sinan, disagrees. He thinks i have shunned my roots and have went a long long way from my culture. Well, no, i haven't shunned my roots, i shunned a Life of Independence and fornication in America to come be with my parents in Pakistan because of my roots. As for teh culture, i have tremednous hatred for the desi culture, i hate it, its disgusting and gross, not because it is Islamic but because it only pretends to be Islamic. I think all desi culture loving ppl our hypocrites because that is what our culture preaches. Fuck around all you want but as long as you don't own up to it, its okay, and only that long, cuz if word gets out you shall be honor-killed. Cheat, lie, decieve, corrode everyone else's roots just so you get to feel like you're better than everybody else. And again, let me re-iterate that its not the Islamic culture that i'm dissing here, its the desi one. The Islamic culture as i understand it does not exist anywhere in the world but if it did yes, definately life would be better as a whole because everybody would be tolerant and smiley faced and nice to each other, co-existing in peace and harmony, laughing and joking around while being extremely professional, courteous, competent and over all good human beings. There would be no fornication and everyone would have a happy marriage with the person they loved, just like the Prophet's first, and you know, the world in general would be the Utopia i suppose the lord of all things wanted it to be. But it ain't so because we humans are imperfect and easily tempted and led into the darker side of things. Inculding religion. Extremism is after all something that is an offshoot of religious zeal and fervor, it is a bad bad thing, i hope we all have consensus on that.
But what i believe about human relatioships have very little to do with religion and everything to do with expereince, expectation and ultimately, faith. I have faith that i will find someone with who i can co-exist peacefully. Expectations tell me what to look for and expereince tells me to actually make sure its there before plunging head first into the river that might end up pretty damn shallow. Now based on this, i think i have every reason to say that yes its is mui importante to actually know the person you're marrying before you marry them., and by know i con't mean thier name, and thier dress size, or how deep the rabbit hole goes. But at least know of the quirks in thier nature that you will have to either put up with or reject when the going gets tough.
Abu Sinan believes otherwise. Although we share the same point of view in terms of not propogating a marriage devoid of any communcation between bride and groom whatsoever, i feel that the basis for a sound marriage should be a complete understanding of each other in the situation which you will be spending most of your lives in, that is one on one, without the constant presence of parents and or relatives to neuter your real self in order to better suit the situation. You find someone you want to marry, not just fuck, spend time with them, alone. Get to know what they're like in different situations. Marriage to me isn't just about making babies and raising them, its about fulfilling out lives, finding the perfect extensions of ourselves. Don't sleep with them until you've wed, just be with them. Share fears and sorrows, face to face, know what he's like when used for an anchor, and what she's like when vented upon. Maybe some people can achieve that through emails and chatting, i can not.
I think for us to assume that everyone wants just sex from the opposite sex although prudent is also a bit restrictive because even though everyone wants sex, it doesn't mean that thier going to rape you to get it just cuz yur sharing the same breathing space. I also strongly object to Abu Sinan's rationalization that Muslim Men don't marry girls they've fucked because i think that's extremely hypocritical. If you sleep with women or mn randomly, your a slut. No one wants to marry a slut and no one should because chances are rare they'll make good husbands. But if you shun people just because they've felt safe enough with someone who didn't last to be that intimate with, you're unjust. And if you're the sort who will fuck around and then want a virgin for a wife, you're an asshole. If love can transcend all sucn trivialities and focus on the bigger aim of spiritual fulfilment, shouldn't marriages follow suit? Men who fuck around don't deserve good, god fearing virgins so how is it the responsibility of good god fearing women to keep themselves 'pure' just so some fuck-all will be interested in them? I think sexually expereinced our more mature and easier to get along with because they can tell the difference between a lecher and a genuinely caring person. But again, that's just me.
Now what this post is about is primarily to put across my point of view as opposed to Abu Sinan's, get people visiting my blog to comment about thier opinions about this and to present a better forum than someone else's blog to both Abu Sinan and I to continue this discussion on.
And no i'm not fishing for comments, simply trying to understand his point of view and to make him see why mine is what it is.
A lot of ther issues came up during the argument on Samosa's blog, which i think should be addressed, but in context. Like our understanding of religion, and its importance in our lives and why i'd rather be fiercely faithful than extremely religious. The issue of rituals which i think have hijacked faith and are now governing our perception and skeweing it in one direction or the other.
Middle ground is important, on this again, i agree with Abu Sinan, but i fear we can never find it if you stick to your views like velcro and me to mine like pubic hair.